


You Put the 'Soul' in 'Soulmate'

by snowkatze



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Soulmates, fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 16:46:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12112971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowkatze/pseuds/snowkatze
Summary: A soulmate - AU in which you know your soulmate when you touch them for the first time. Simon and Baz get into a fight, and Baz provokes Simon.





	You Put the 'Soul' in 'Soulmate'

“You're the worst Chosen One who's ever been chosen,” Baz snarls. His face is almost expressionless, but I see the anger glinting in his eyes. He is unbelievably good at hiding his emotions, but I've become quite good at reading him over the years.

And I know the reason for his anger, too, which is the same reason it has been for years: me. In this case, it was me accidentally setting fire to his Political Science essay.

“Whoever your soulmate is, the one thing we already know about them is that they're going to be a fucking idiot. You'd have to be to put up with someone like you.”

Of course he has to bring up the soulmates again. When you and your soulmate touch for the first time, you're supposed to feel a spark of electricity, or something like that. I keep waiting for it to happen whenever I pick up a sour cherry scone, but so far nothing. I've touched everyone I know at least once, except for Baz, even though it's customary to shake hands with someone on the first meeting. Baz just looked at me in disgust back then and said: 'There's no way I'm going to touch the fucking Chosen One,' and that was that.  
“Yeah, well...”  
I growl while I'm trying to come up with a good comeback.   
“You're such a shitty person, you probably don't even have a soulmate!”

“At least I have a father who loves me. Your parents gave you away because they could already tell that you were going to be a bloody failure!”  
“Don't you dare bring my parents into this.”  
I hold his gaze, and he stands up a little straighter. His lips curl into a cruel sneer.

“Your parents were Normals, Snow, and they never loved y-”  
I don't let him finish his sentence. I punch him in the face, which as much force as I can muster.

I expect the impact to hurt my hand. I expect my knuckles to get bruised. Maybe a cracking sound from the crash. I expect Baz to fight back, stop me or attack me immediately.

What I don't expect is for the room to heat up, points of light dancing at the edge of my vision.

Baz stumbles backwards and I feel dizzy.

“What the fuck just happened,” I mumble and press my palm against my forehead. I'm having trouble speaking, or forming coherent thoughts. My mind is just a pile of gibberish.

“Did – did you just go off?” Baz asks and stares at me wide-eyed.  
“I -”  
The air doesn't smell burned. This is different. Where does the sudden burst of excitement in my chest come from? I feel like I've been struck by lightning.  
“No, I didn't go off.”

But what was it, then? I've never felt something like this before. The weird thing is that this feels incredibly important, like nothing matters but this... And I can't even tell what 'this' is.

Except. Maybe... No. It couldn't be. _He_ couldn't be.

I hate him.

He hates me.

I always used to think that whoever turned out to be his soulmate would have to be the poorest soul in the universe – or maybe as fucked up as he is. And maybe I am.

Maybe we're the scum of this universe – perhaps we deserve each other.  
Fuck. No.

My heart is beating fast and my palms go sweaty. Panic is racing through my body. It's the only explanation. It's real.

My nemesis is my soulmate. Does that mean he's not my nemesis? Or are we simply a tragedy?

“Fuck,” I say, because it's the only thing that's real right now.

“You're my soulmate,” he asserts, but doesn't look at me. _Please, look at me._

“Fuck,” I repeat, as my blood runs cold.  
It's impossible. It doesn't make sense. It goes completely against everything I've always believed.

“I'm sorry,” he says. And he still won't look at me.  
“For what?”

Would it hurt him to look at me? Can he even see me?

“We were meant to be together, and I screwed it up.”  
 _He's my soulmate. My soulmate's name is Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. Fuck._

“Why?”  
 _Please look at me._

“What?”  
“Why did you? We could have been friends.”  
“I didn't think we were supposed to be.”  
“That's bullshit.”  
“I was scared.”  
“Scared of what?”  
“I – I wanted to do the right thing, I think. At first.”  
“And then?”  
His hands start fidgeting, he keeps avoiding my gaze. I approach him slowly. He doesn't look frightening, like this. Not evil. Not like a vampire.

He's just a boy whose found out who his soulmate is. A pretty damn beautiful boy. I think I can finally admit that to myself.

I don't quite dare to take his hands. I'm surprised that I want to. Instead, I place my hands on his arms, and he lifts his head, to finally look at me.

I gasp.

It's like seeing him for the first time – with no hatred, no malice, no suspicion. He's really just a person after all. And he has pretty eyes.

“Then...”

He takes a breath.  
“Shit.”  
“What?”  
“I never thought I would tell you this.”  
“I think you owe me.”  
“I'm sorry.”  
“Why are you suddenly apologizing? You weren't sorry before.”

“I just – I know how much the soulmates meant to you. I know that you – you believe it means something. And I ruined it for you. I didn't know – I didn't think this would happen. So.”  
“So now you don't know how to act?”  
“Kind of.”  
“I know that I'm not what you wanted. I'm not you. I don't wear fancy clothes. I don't have any special skills. Actually, I'm lucky that I'm capable of tying my shoe laces in the morning.”

“No, you don't understand. You're everything. You're the sun – no, not just that, you're the moon, too, and the stars, and the entire universe. You're my raison d' _êt_ re.”

My breath catches in my throat.  
“Your...”  
“My reason to be.”

“How...”  
“You know how I said I was just too afraid?”  
“Yeah?”  
“I was afraid of my feelings for you. I was afraid of waking up next to you one morning and burning, because you're an open fire and I'm flammable.”  
Suddenly, I believe that there are stars in his eyes. How have I never seen him like this before.

“Are you scared?” he whispers.

“Yeah,” I whisper back.

“Sorry,” he says for the third time, and he sounds like he's in pain.  
“Fuck, Baz, this is scary.”  
And then I take his hand, because I'm trying to be brave.

“I think we can make this work, and that's scaring me.”  
“You don't have to. I'll be fine.”  
He closes his eyes. _Fuck, look at me._

I let my fingers glide over his nose.

“I think you broke it,” Baz aspirates.  
“Sorry.”  
“'s fine.”  
I cup his face as gently as I can. I like this. I like being soft with him. It's much better than anything we did before. No mean words, just soft breaths and careful touches. I run my fingers through his hair and realize that I've always wanted to that.

“You're my soulmate,” I say.  
Baz stays still, but I notice the corners of his mouth raising slightly. He wants this, too. He said he has feelings for me. Baz Pitch. Feelings. _For me._ Aleister Crowley.

I bring my head closer to his, because I can't refrain myself from doing so, and he's not pushing me back. I know that he can feel my breath against his lips, but he's letting me do it.

I press my lips against his and feel like I can finally breathe again. 

I know that this is right. I know that my lips against his are like two puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly. We're soulmates. We're meant to be. And I'll make him believe that, too.

When I step back, I see that there are tears streaming down his cheeks. Baz crying looks like in the movies – a single, perfect tear. No red eyes, no swollen skin. Perfect, as always.

“How can I have a soulmate? I don't even have a soul.”  
The words slip out between his lips like sad truths. He's so wrong. I keep his head cupped in my hands. He's just as broken as I am.

“I am a monster... and the universe gave me _you_.”

“A tragedy.”  
“A miracle. You are a miracle, Simon.”  
“Say that again.”

“You're a miracle.”  
“No. My name. Say it.”

He hesitates. Then he opens his eyes.

“Simon,” he whispers and I recognize the shadow of a smile on his lips.

“You're not a monster, Baz,” I mutter and press my forehead against his. “And you have a soul. This is proof. You're alive. Look at me and tell me you're not feeling alive right now.”  
He clutches onto me.  
“I'd be lying.”  
“See, we can do this. We're good like this.”  
“Promise? Promise we can do this together?”  
“I promise.”  
I hold him as closely as I can. I've got him now and I'm never letting him go.

“Hey,” I grin. “Remember when you said my soulmate was a fucking idiot?”  
“I told you I'm never wrong.”

We giggle, like kids in primary school. This still feels unreal, and weird, and incredible. It will take a while for me to get my head around it. _Baz Pitch is my soulmate._

But one thing I know for sure, and the universe knew it, too. Simon Snow and Baz Pitch, we make sense. 

 


End file.
